
“Free, A Novella”
by Felicia Denise
Part VIII
Slowly making her way down the hall, Lennie suddenly was exhausted. Her memories had not only overwhelmed her but reliving them in this houseโฆalone, as she was trying to break from her past consumed her energy.
Glancing into the small sitting room as she walked past, Lennie shook her head thinking of the hundreds of Christmas and birthday gifts this room had stored over the years. She stopped abruptly and looked back at the sitting room door. A sense of nostalgia washed over Lennie and brought something to mind she rarely had – a good memory of Ranard. A small grin graced her face as she reflected on their first Christmas in this house. A frustrated Ranard Porter had already injured himself several times attempting to assemble a tyke bike for little Duncan.
After putting the boys to bed, Lennie, armed with hot cocoa and snacks, joined Ranard. Handing him his cup, Lennie grabbed hers and sat beside him on the floor.
โYou know youโre over-complicating this, right?โ
Shaking his head vigorously, Ranard disagreed. โNot possible. I didnโt create this nightmare. Who uses seven different types of screws for a toddler bike? This is insane!โ
โIโll swap with you.โ She took the instructions from him and handed him the snack tray.
Lennieโs eyes widened as she looked over the paper. โWow. There are a lot of screws, arenโt there?โ
Munching on a turkey wrap, Ranard simply nodded.
Looking over the top of the paper, Lennie noticed the jumbled pile of hardware. โAnd you dumped them all into one big pile, didnโt you?โ
โI didnโt know a Masterโs Degree in physics was required to put together a childโs toy, Lenore.โ
Covering her mouth with her hand, Lennie tried to hide her smirkโฆand failed. โFinish your snack. Then weโll start at square oneโฆagain.โ
Ranard reached for a handful of sugared almonds while his wife sorted the screws into seven piles. They both sat back and chatted quietly, enjoying the childless silence. After draining their cups, they approached their task as a team.
Less than an hour later, a shiny, red tyke bike sat between them. The floor was empty – with no leftover screws.
โI almost ruined Christmas, but my wife saved the day. If this gets out, Iโll lose my man-card for sure!โ
Giggling, Lennie reached out and caressed his cheek. You were not going to ruin Christmas and I did not save the day.ย It just took a little more patience.โ She glanced at the bike. โAnd there were a lot of screws!โ
Taking her hand from his cheek, Ranard held it in both of his, then kissed it. โAnd youโre always so patient with me.โ
โOnly because I love you.โ
***
But her love had not been enough, and Lennieโs patience had run out.
Lennie had stopped mourning the end of her marriage long agoโฆif she ever truly had.
Her heels clicked against the marble tiles. Approaching the living room from the west side, she had traversed nearly the entire first floor. Looking at her watch, Lennie was shocked to see sheโd been in the house for over three hours. So much for the โten-minute walk throughโ she promised the realtor she would do before leaving town.
Taking a seat on one of the steps leading down into the living room, Lenore Porter buried her face in her hands. Sheโd had a good life here. Sheโd made mistakesโฆthe wrong choices, but wasnโt that part of life? Although there had been several intense situations, they were nothing she didnโt rebound from, right? There were no serious and lasting repercussions, right?
A mirthless chuckle escaped her lips.
Yeah, right, Lenore. Keep fooling yourself.
Her marriage had been a train wreck. Her ex-husband had turned against them, and their son had tried to kill his own father.
Not exactly G-rated stuff.
Lennie and Ranard made bad choices and their sons paid the price, losing their family. When she tried to fix her mistake, Ranardโs bad choices almost cost him his lifeโฆand their sonโs life. Lennieโs fix for that situation led her down yet another rocky path.
Duncan seemed to return to his old self after Lennie filed her divorce papers. Noise and chaos once again ruled the Porter household. But when the district marking period ended and Lennie received the boysโ report cards, her heart sunk. Every one of Duncanโs grades had fallen, and comments like โIncomplete projectsโ, โAssignments not turned inโ, and โNo class participationโ accompanied every subject.
Lenore Porter became angry. She was angry with herself for not following through and missing any signs that Duncan was not okay. She was angry with the school for not contacting her as Duncanโs grade fell. Six teachers. SIX TEACHERS, and not one had sent an email or picked up a phone.
But Lennie was not angry with her son. Despite his size and demeanor, Duncan Porter was still a child. He was still dependent on adults for leadership. He was still dependent on adults for guidance or solutions to problems. She was his mother, and he was still dependent on her. And Lennie felt she had let him down. Duncan was holding in painful emotions he should never have had to deal with. If his grades were so negatively impacted without her sensing anything was wrong, what else had she missed?
After a quick call to Bea, her staff team manager, Lennie rushed out her front door, walking the short block to her destination.
Doug Henry was a psychiatrist who specialized in mental health issues in men. Though he usually consulted with veteransโ and first responder support groups, He did take on the occasional private patient and worked from home. His four children were close in age to Lennieโs boys leading them to work on many school projects and sporting events together over the years.
Anxiously ringing the doorbell, Lennie tried to steady herself.
Kay Henry opened the door wearing a warm, welcoming smile. One look at Lenore Porter, though, and her smile faded. Kay grabbed her neighborโs arm and quickly pulled her inside.
โWhatโs wrong?โ
Lennie opened her mouth to respond, but froze. How much should she tell her friends? Should she tell them about Ranard showing up after Duncanโs birthday party? The fight? Duncanโs depression? Deciding to tell them only about the divorce for now, Lennie opened her mouth to speak, but could only utter one word. โDuncan.โ
Without taking her eyes on Lennie, Kay Henry took a couple of steps backward and called out to her husband.
โDoug! Lennieโs hereโฆsomethingโs wrong! Doug!โ
Only second later, Doug Henry rushed into the foyer. โI heard you the first time, honey. Whatโs all the yelling for and wha-โ He stopped mid-sentence seeing a troubled Lennie Porter fidgeting near his front door.
โLennie, whatโs wrong? What happened?โ
Near tears, Lennie could still only utter one word. โDuncan.โ Shrugging slightly, her arms fell limply at her sides.
With a quick nod to his wife, Doug slowly approached Lennie, gently taking her by the arm. โCโmon, Lennie. Letโs go to my office.
Without a word, Lenore Porter allowed the psychiatrist to lead her down the short hallway to his office. Just as he seated her on an overstuffed love seat, Kay came through the office door with a tray of coffee. Setting the tray on the coffee table in front of Lennie, Kay turned to leave when Lennie spoke.
โPleaseโฆstay.โ She glanced at Doug. โCan she stay? Iโd like a motherโs input on this.โ
โOf course, she can, Lennie.โ Before Doug could go any further, Kay Henry was already seated next to Lennie, pouring her a cup of coffee.
โYou like it sweet, right Lennie?โ
โYes. Thank you for remembering, Kay.โ Lennie accepted the coffee mug with both hands. Holding the mug close to her face, she didnโt sip from it, but instead simply stared into its dark, steamy depths.
Doug allowed a few minutes of silence to pass before pulling his neighbor out of her reverie.
โWhatโs going on with you, Lennie?โ
Lennie didnโt take her eyes from the mug as she spoke.
โA few weeks ago, Ranard showed up unannounced. We had a horrible, ugly argument. So ugly, in fact, I called my attorney the next morning to start the proceedings to change our legal separationโฆto a divorce.โ
A barely audible gasp escaped from Kayโs lips.
Lennie regarded her kindly. โItโs all right, Kay. Removing Ranard from our lives was the best thing for us. I should have done it long ago. I thought by having a legal separation, the boys would still have an opportunity to build a positive relationship with their fatherโฆwithout the stigma of divorce. I was wrong.โ She turned to Doug. โThe argument affected us all, but I think I got off the easiest because I had already closed that chapter of my life. If we had no children, I would have divorced him from the start.
But the boysโฆthey each dealt with it in their own way. Myron was angry and RJ was fearful. After a few daysโฆas the argument slipped into the past, those two seemed to settle down and move past it. But not Duncan. He was so intense and full of rage, guiltโฆand I think a bit of self-loathingโฆhe couldnโt even look his brothers or me in the face.โ
โLennie, wait.โ Doug sat his mug on the table. โRage is understandable, but why would Duncan feel guiltโฆand self-loathing? Did something else happen?โ
Sitting her own cup on the coffee table, Lenore scrubbed her hands, then folded them in her lap. โThe argument was between Ranard and meโฆbut it wasโฆphysical between him and the boys.โ
โSon of a bitch!โ Doug leapt to his feet, his face hard-set in anger. โThe bastard walks awa-โ
โHoney!โ The pleading look in Kayโs eyes and slight head tilt in Lennieโs direction caused the psychiatristโs face to redden.
โI-I am so sorry, Lennie. Itโs justโฆjustโฆโ. Defeated, he shoved his hands into his pockets. โIโm sorry, Lennie. That was unprofess-โ
โI didnโt come here just because youโre a psychiatrist, Doug, but also a friend – someone I trust. You have nothing to apologize for. I was angry too.โ Taking a deep breath, Lennie continued.
โRanard and I arguedโฆand Myron and Duncan were right there. Things were getting heated when RJ appeared. It was all upsetting to him, naturally, so I took him back to his room. When Iโฆcame backโฆMyron was sitting on the floorโฆmotionlessโฆwatching Duncanโฆwatching Duncanโฆโ
โItโs okay, Lennie.โ Kay patted her arm lightly.
Tears fell from her eyes as she looked first at Kay, then Doug. โDuncan had his father in aโฆchokehold.โ
Husband and wife stared at each otherโฆtheir expressions incredulous.
โI tried everything I could to get Duncan to release his fatherโฆbut he was just too strong. I screamed at him, pleaded with himโฆbut in the end, it was RJ-โ
โRJ? But I thought you took-โ
โI did take him to his room, but he heard my screams and came back. Iโm grateful he did. His screaming out his brotherโs name was the only thing that saved Ranardโs life that night.โ
Kay rose and grabbed a box of tissues from the bookshelf. She held the box out to Lennie, then took a couple for herself. Still standing, Doug leaned against his desk.
โDo you know what happened after you left the room?โ
Lenore shook her head. โI didnโt at first. But after releasing his father, Duncan ran to RJ. Thatโs when I turned and took a good look at Myron. His lip was split and an eye was swelling. Wasnโt hard to figure out Duncan was defending his brother.โ
Doug Henry absently shook his head, swearing under his breath.ย โIโd like to choke him myself.โ
โDoug!โ Kay Henry stopped wiping her eyes to glare at her husband. โYouโre not helping things.โ
โI know, honeyโฆI know. Iโm sorry, Lennieโฆagain. Itโs just for most of the years weโve known each other, itโs always been you carpooling, and you volunteering at the games, and you hosting the family potlucks. Ranardโs never done a damn thing. And when you finally do what you have to do for peace of mind, he shows up years later out of the blue, and gets violent with your children. No real parent does that. No real father who loves his children does that. Iโd give anything to be able to knock him on his ass right now.โ
โDouglas!โ
โNope, not sorry this time, Kay. A man who will put his hands on his child to inflict harm or injury deserves the same treatment!โ He walked over and retook his seat. โWhat do you need from me, Lennie? Do you want me to talk to Duncan?โ Kill Ranard?โ
Kay smirked, nodding in approval this time, and Lennie couldnโt help but grin.
โNo, Doug. I think someone from outside of our lives would work better. For whatever reason, Duncan is wearing masks around his family and friends, but those same masks didnโt save his grades. Every single one fell.โ
โDamn! This just wonโt do! What do you need, Lennieโฆa referral?โ
โYesโฆplease, Doug? I donโt want to waste time hunting down and researching therapists, trying to find one whoโs a good fit. I need to get Duncan in to see someone who can help from the first visit. Is that possible?โ
โAny other time, Iโd say no, Lennie. Counseling can be a very tricky tool to use properly. Patients who have spent monthsโฆeven years with psychiatrists or therapists with no measurable progress switch to someone new for whatever reasonโฆand seem to be greatly improved after one visit. That means they were paired with the wrong person from the beginning, and either the counselorโฆor the patient refused to speak up.โ
โWow. I know the relationship is important, but I never realized it could be detrimental.โ
โUnfortunately, yes. But I got this. I know Duncan and know heโs an exceptional kid. I have just the person in mind.โ He stood and went to his desk. โWould you ladies give me a few moments to make a couple of phone calls?โ
โOf course, honey. Cโmon, Lennie. My cinnamon rolls arenโt works of art like yours but come let me know how I measure up.โ
With a grateful look at Doug, Lennie Porter followed Kay from the room. โOh, stop it, Kay. Iโll bet theyโre amazing.โ
โLennie?โ
She turned hearing Doug call her name. โYes?โ
โHow soon do you want an appointment?โ
โYesterday.โ
They both smiled.
โToday, tomorrowโฆjust tell me when, Doug, and Iโll get him there.โ
โDone.โ
***
Less than an hour later, Lennie was on her way to the high school. Doug had referred Duncan to James Richie, a licensed clinical psychologist with one of the highest success rates in the city for counseling teens and young adults. Also a retired pastor, Doug assured her that James Richie wasnโt one of those who used scripture to shame or mock. Like Doug, James also preferred counseling males. Admitting to mental issues was a usual roadblock for most men and boys, and could jeopardize their therapy and recovery. The stigma was a focus of both Doug and James in their therapies.
While signing Duncan out of school, Lennie decided to save the issue of his falling grades and her not being notified sooner for another day. Getting her son the help he needed was her priority.
Lennie stood at the exit near the parking lot only a few minutes before Duncan walked down the hallway.
โMom? Whatโs going on? What are you doing here? They said you signed me out for the rest of the day.โ
Lennie had to stretch up on her tiptoes to kiss her growing sonโs cheek. โWhoa! Slow down, kid. One question at a time.โ She smiled and linked her arm in his and started towards the door.
โMom?โ
โLetโs get outside first, sweetie.โ
Duncan held the door for his mother, then followed her down the ramp to the parking lot. As they approached her SUV, Duncan stopped.
โMom? Iโm starting to freak out a little here. Whatโs going on? Are Myron and RJ okay?โ
She turned and faced him. โYour brothers are fine, Duncan. This is about you.โ
The oldest Porter son frowned, confused. โMe? What about me?”
โYour report card came this morning.โ
Duncan’s entire body seemed to sag and he hung his head.
โI-Iโm sorry, momโฆI messed up. I thought I could fix it before grades came out.โ Duncan raised his head. โBut I promise, momโฆI swear, Iโll get back on track before the school year ends. Iโll work harderโฆstay after school for-โ
โDuncan, stop!โ Lenore shook her head slowly. โHoney, your grades are important. But this isnโt about your grades falling, itโs why they did, Duncan.โ
Before her eyes, Duncanโs face began a slow morphโฆfrom ashamed, humiliated teenager to angry young man.
โWhat do you mean, โwhyโ, mom? Kids get into trouble all the time with their grades. Not studying enough, distracted with games and musicโฆeven friends.โ
โBut thatโs not the case with you, is it, son?โ
โI guess you have all the answers, mom.โ
Momentarily taken aback at his tone, Lennie took a step towards him, her own face setting in anger. โWhat did you say to me? Since when do you speak to me that way?โ
His shoulders fell in defeat. โIโm sorry, momโฆI was wrong to do that. I justโฆjust feel like Iโm drowning latelyโฆor the walls are closing in on me, and-โ
โWhy?โ
โHuh? Mom? Why what?โ
โWhy do you feel that way?โ
โGee, I donโt know mom. Growing pains, teen angstโฆMalcolm in the Middle was canceledโฆpick one.โ His defiant tone was back.
She let the disrespect goโฆthis time.
โYour father.โ
โCโmon, mom! You canโt-โ
โYou havenโt been yourself since that night. I knew you were having a hard time right after it happened, but I thought you got better after I filed for divorce. I was wrong. And I bear the brunt of the blame for this. I let you down, sweetie.โ
Side stepping his mother and heading for the car, Duncan waved his hands. โMom, stop. Youโre not to blame. No one is to blame. There is nothing wrong. I screwed up, Momโฆsimple as that.โ He reached for the door handle. โAnd where are we going in the middle of the day, mom?โ
Swallowing her anger, Lennie slowly approached the SUV. โI made an appointment for you toโฆtalk with someone.โ
Confused only for a few seconds, Duncan suddenly realized what his mother meant. โTalk to someone? You mean like a shrink? Youโre taking me to see a shrink? Iโm not crazy, mom.โ
โNo, baby, youโre not. But there is a problem?โ
โWhy? Why? Just because I had trouble in my classes and didnโt tell you? Iโm not crazy, mom.โ
โDuncan, you are not crazyโฆwe both know that. But you yourself just said how you felt like you were drowningโฆthat the walls were closing in on you. Your mind is overwhelmed with something, baby. We need to find out what.โ
โNo shrink.โ
โItโs not up for discussion, Duncan.โ
โI said no shrink! Iโm not going!โ
Lennie had had enough. โBoy, I donโt know who you think youโre talking to, but youโd better get your butt in that seat, now!”
He looked away, staring across the parking lot. When he faced her again, a lone tear slid down his cheek. โIโm sorry, momโฆno.โ
โDuncan Mitchell Porterโฆenough! In the car, now!โ
Backing away from the car slowly, Duncan shook his head.โ Iโm sorry, mom. Iโm so, so sorry.โ Then Duncan Porter turned and ran towards the street. When he reached the corner, he turned right and disappeared from his motherโs sight.
Lennie just stood thereโฆstunned.
Part VII ย ย ย Part IV
ยฉFelicia Denise, 2016, 2017