On May 30, 2019, I lost Dennis, my husband of over thirty-five years. Ten short weeks later on August 18, 2019, I lost my eighty-four-year-old mother. My grief journey has not been an easy one. While we know grief has five stages, there are many situations and feelings some bereaved never get to express, and I’m using my first AtoZ Challenge to say things I’ve never been able to give voice to. I hope you’ll follow my journey.
- #AtoZChallenge A is for Alone~~~ The loss of a spouse or partner can be devastating and life altering. It can also be suffocating. At least for me it was. While I was in shock… Read more: #AtoZChallenge A is for Alone
- #AtoZChallenge B is For Be~~~ Phrases I have come to hate. “Time heals all wounds.” “Give it time.” “Death is a part of life.” “The pain will eventually go away.” “Just let it go.”… Read more: #AtoZChallenge B is For Be
- #AtoZChallenge C is For Couple~~~ Married folks have several names for each other inside the marriage… husband, wife, mate, spouse, partner. These labels can also used by those outside the marriage, but one thing… Read more: #AtoZChallenge C is For Couple
- #AtoZChallenge Update #1~~~ I’ve never participated in the A to Z Challenge before. It wasn’t my intention to join the challenge this year either. Just over a week ago, commenting on… Read more: #AtoZChallenge Update #1
- #AtoZChallenge D is For Died~~~ “My cell phone died.” “My laptop died.” “The fridge died.” “That doggone car battery died.” Things around us die every day. Think about how many times a day we… Read more: #AtoZChallenge D is For Died
- #AtoZChallenge E is For Emotions~~~ The loss of a loved one is naturally an emotional time, regardless of the relationship to the deceased. Sadness from the shock of the loss, whether expected or not,… Read more: #AtoZChallenge E is For Emotions
- #AtoZChallenge F is For Futile~~~ “We are the Borg. You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile.“ Much like resistance to the cybernetic humanoids of Star Trek fame was futile, resistance to the process of… Read more: #AtoZChallenge F is For Futile
- #AtoZChallenge G is For Guilt~~~ The novel coronavirus has claimed more than half a million lives in this country alone since February 2020. The virus does not discriminate, crossing gender, generational, ethnicity, and socioeconomic… Read more: #AtoZChallenge G is For Guilt
- #AtoZChallenge H is For Healing~~~ A child falls off his bike and scraps his knee. A little Neosporin and a week later, all traces of the scratch are gone. A woman misses her step… Read more: #AtoZChallenge H is For Healing
- #AtoZChallenge I is For Invisible~~~ Did you notice the frog in the bottom right of the photo above? I’m sure some blog visitors did, but I’ll bet he was also invisible to some. That’s… Read more: #AtoZChallenge I is For Invisible
- #AtoZChallenge Update #2~~~ I’m happy with the past week. There were a couple of days I didn’t think I’d continue because getting the words out of my head, past my heart and… Read more: #AtoZChallenge Update #2
- #AtoZChallenge J is For Joy~~~ This is one of my favorite posts because joy is such a wonderful feeling. All while our children were growing up, Den and I taught them to celebrate life… Read more: #AtoZChallenge J is For Joy
- #AtoZChallenge K is For Kindness~~~ Being kind takes no effort. It comes naturally to some people. The morning Den died, there was an endless parade of total strangers through my living room… paramedics, law… Read more: #AtoZChallenge K is For Kindness
- #AtoZChallenge L is For Love~~~ I read the quote somewhere that “Grief is love with no place to go.” That hit home with me, and as time went on, it also made me realize… Read more: #AtoZChallenge L is For Love
- #AtoZChallenge M is For Mom~~~ While my Mom’s health had been on a downward decline for four months, her death was still unexpected. When my brother called me that Sunday morning with the news,… Read more: #AtoZChallenge M is For Mom
- #AtoZChallenge N is For Normal~~~ “You’ll be back to normal in no time.” “Don’t worry. Normalcy will return soon. It just takes time.” “You’ll adjust to your new normal.” Normal is subjective and relative…… Read more: #AtoZChallenge N is For Normal
- #AtoZChallenge O is For Overwhelmed~~~ During a scene in the 1989 movie, Steel Magnolias, Dolly Parton’s character, Truvy says, “I have a strict policy that nobody cries alone in my presence.” Hi, I’m Truvy!… Read more: #AtoZChallenge O is For Overwhelmed
- #AtoZChallenge P is For Prescription Meds~~~ After Den died and my grief led to depression and anxiety, I began to count days. I believed that after a certain amount of time passed, I’d be fine.… Read more: #AtoZChallenge P is For Prescription Meds
- #AtoZChallenge Q is For Quiet~~~ I’ve always loved the quiet. Maybe it comes from growing up in a house with my parents and eight siblings. It was always so noisy. 🙂 A quick blink… Read more: #AtoZChallenge Q is For Quiet
- #AtoZChallenge R is For Rest~~~ Grief is exhausting. I can eat healthy meals, exercise daily, and sleep 8-10 hours a night (okay, actually four)… and wake up feeling as though I never closed my… Read more: #AtoZChallenge R is For Rest
- #AtoZChallenge S is For Scared~~~ I admit it. I’m scared. Twenty-three months alone and I still have nothing figured out. What lies on the road up ahead? Am I even on the right road?… Read more: #AtoZChallenge S is For Scared
- #AtoZChallenge T is For Time~~~ A Stitch in Time Saves Nine Time Heals All Wounds Time Will Reveal Wasting Time Behind the Times The Time is Now We share many cute little idioms about… Read more: #AtoZChallenge T is For Time
- #AtoZChallenge U is For Useless~~~ If you’ve been following my journey from the beginning, you’ll remember I mentioned irrational feelings after suffering a loss. Well, feelings of uselessness are close to the top! From… Read more: #AtoZChallenge U is For Useless
- #AtoZChallenge V is For Victory~~~ In life you have to claim your victories where you can. That goes doubly so after the loss of a loved one. Make it through an entire day without… Read more: #AtoZChallenge V is For Victory
- #AtoZChallenge W is For Wound~~~ A longtime friend checks in on me frequently and always greets me with, “How are ya’ healing?” I appreciate his time, and the fact he acknowledges my grief from… Read more: #AtoZChallenge W is For Wound
- #AtoZChallenge X is For Xenas~~~ Okay, this isn’t a post about Xena, Warrior Princess! 😀 But then again… A xenas is a strong, confident woman, so maybe we can take something from Xena. Though… Read more: #AtoZChallenge X is For Xenas
- #AtoZChallenge Y is For Yesterday~~~ It’s been twenty-three months since Den died. Sometimes it feels like an eternity. Sometimes it feels like yesterday. It feels like yesterday I was making enchiladas for Den’s favorite… Read more: #AtoZChallenge Y is For Yesterday
- #AtoZChallenge Z is For Zero~~~ There are zero days left in April. There are zero days left in the challenge… that I never intended on entering! And I have zero regrets about any of… Read more: #AtoZChallenge Z is For Zero
- Behind Every Cloud~~~ Without a plan, outline, and most days, a clue, I’ve completed my first AtoZ Challenge! *Trumpet fanfare* Taking it one letter at a time, and many deep breaths, I… Read more: Behind Every Cloud
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Felicia Denise, Author 