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Did you notice the frog in the bottom right of the photo above?
I’m sure some blog visitors did, but I’ll bet he was also invisible to some.
That’s the way I felt after Den died. I was there, but I wasn’t.
But here’s the thing.
I wasn’t invisible because of what I was going through, but because people either didn’t know how, or didn’t want to be bothered with trying to hold a conversation with me.
I was too sad and they didn’t know how to deal with my grief.
It wasn’t my problem, it was their problem.
This isn’t a condemnation, but more so a reality check.
When you treat those on the grief journey as though they’re invisible, they begin to feel invisible and that can exacerbate their emotional pain.
You can empathize without addressing their grief.
“Hey, I read this amazing book and thought you might enjoy it too,” or “Did you see ‘insert-television-show’? Best episode ever!” or even “I’m having a bad day, you have time to talk?” are all simple ways to reach out and let someone know you’re thinking about them.
Someone in mourning isn’t just in mourning.
Life goes on, including for the bereaved.
Sometimes they’d rather be pulled out of their own heads than be treated as though they’re invisible.
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On May 30, 2019, I lost Dennis, my husband of over thirty-five years. Ten short weeks later on August 18, 2019, I lost my eighty-four-year-old mother. My grief journey has not been an easy one. While we know grief has five stages, there are many situations and feelings some bereaved never get to express, and I’m using my first AtoZ Challenge to say things I’ve never been able to give voice to. I hope you’ll follow my journey.
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Felicia Denise, Author 
A reality check that needs repeating. Thank you Felicia for sharing.
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Never saw myself sharing like this but glad that I am. It helps.
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And you’re helping others too. Doubly good. I appreciate the insight I’ve gained from you.
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So good to know, Jilly, thank you!
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When I was young, I would always hear some of the adults say about the person who’s grieving to let them be by themselves. And others words, “they want to be alone, because they’re grieving.” I could never understand that because I thought that they might want to have someone to come around every now and then to talk or whatnot.
Thanks Felicia for this post.
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There were times when I NEEDED alone time to process certain things, but for the most part, I always welcome genuine conversation.
Personally, I believe folks leave mourners alone because it’s easier for THEM.
Keep reaching out to those on the grief journey, Pamela, or anyone simply going through a bad time. You’re helping more than you know. 🙂 ❤
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I’m in contact with the family everyday, even if just for a few minutes. No leaving them to drown in their thoughts all day. We talk about anything or just watch a show in semi-silence over the phone.
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My daughter and I video chat OFTEN – she’s been known to call every day! 😀 – but since her hubby is deployed till the end of the year, we have a standing mother/daughter video date every Friday to prepare (or order) the same meal and watch a movie or program… always something Marvel! LOL!
We’ve been called “obsessive” but later for that madness. We’re spending time “together” and having fun! 🙂
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💜💜💜
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