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If you’ve been following my journey from the beginning, you’ll remember I mentioned irrational feelings after suffering a loss.

Well, feelings of uselessness are close to the top!

From the moment Den was pronounced by the paramedics, I felt like I should be doing something else.

Weird, right?

As the living room filled with people, family members told me I was trying to offer every one coffee, only to be led back to the recliner.

I now know I was in shock that day. However, those feelings still rear their head.

Most of my regular day included doing something for Den.

With those tasks taken from me, I felt lost, not knowing what to do. Useless.

I don’t have those days as often, but now I see them for what they are, and I take deep breaths… breathing through the moment.

I know I’m not useless or worthless.

I’m a widow.

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On May 30, 2019, I lost Dennis, my husband of over thirty-five years. Ten short weeks later on August 18, 2019, I lost my eighty-four-year-old mother. My grief journey has not been an easy one. While we know grief has five stages, there are many situations and feelings some bereaved never get to express, and I’m using my first AtoZ Challenge to say things I’ve never been able to give voice to. I hope you’ll follow my journey.

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Image by John Hain from Pixabay

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